The Tragedy of Consciousness

John is a friend of mine. When he was young, he wanted to be a lawyer with good pay and a happy family. He was never greedy, he only dreamed of stability. 

He studied hard in high school, took AP classes, and got nearly straight A's. He went to a good university and studied hard. He graduated and went to law school in another good university. He always studied hard. He graduated. He got a job at a law firm as a public defender. He worked hard. The job wasn't working, the pay too low. He found his future wife. Together they decided to search for greener pastures. They moved out west. Another job as a public defender. Better pay, worse conditions. Moved again, this time to a peaceful suburb of a big city. He got married. Better pay, and no longer working in public defense. No more trips to the morgue to examine the bodies of murder victims. Now he prosecuted for the state. He worked hard. He got promoted. He got a raise. He bought a house with a big yard and a deck that overlooks a patch of trees. He had a son.

His life's ambitions, as far as he could tell, were now complete. 

In a conversation with me, he confessed to a feeling of listlessness. He wasn't depressed, he only felt a kind of emptiness. And that emptiness made him feel guilty. How could he feel emptiness when his life was so full of fortune. His job is the envy of millions. His wife is happy, patient, and kind. His son is healthy and bright. Everything was perfect. 

When he expressed these feelings to me, I was reminded of a quote by philosopher/mathematician Blaise Pascal which I will paraphrase here: Man, left alone in a room with his thoughts, will always feel the crushing grip of despair rising within him. 

In the east, Pascal is most famous as a mathematician. In the west, he is mostly known as a philosopher, specifically for "Pascal's Wager."

Pascal said the only cure to this was a steadfast belief in God. I agree, but not for the reasons he would think. 

Belief in the Christian religion gives people a goal: Heaven. That goal is lifelong and will never diminish in its importance or associated activities. Every day brings new opportunities to make progress toward that goal. Christianity and similar "rewards after death" religions give its adherents a purpose.

You see, it is only purpose that can stave off that despair. Certainly, Pascal is right. Despair constantly lies just beneath the surface of our thoughts. Consciousness is a wonderful gift not without its cost. It gives us the ability to reflect on the horrors of life and the world. Inactivity and boredom is like giving our consciousness a telescope to better focus on all the shortcomings of life.

Pascal and Aristotle both said that we could temporarily escape that despair with "diversions." Games, sports, gossip. A person might fill their whole lives with these to avoid ever having to face his own consciousness, but it means a life without accomplishments. A wasted life. 

My friend described above was spared that drowning feeling as long as he was progressing. But as soon as he had met his goal, he could feel something different. 

It's easy to say: he has a new goal- raise his child well. But goals must be clearly defined in order to grant a feeling of progress. Heaven is a clear goal. Home ownership and a family is a clear goal. Graduating law school is a clear goal. 

Coming up with a new goal- one sufficiently difficult and far ahead- is his new responsibility.

 If he cannot find one, consciousness will poison his life.